


Two-Face - Crush

by Nathaniel_Quietly



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman (Movies - Nolan), Batman (Movies 1989-1997), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 14:35:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16431287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nathaniel_Quietly/pseuds/Nathaniel_Quietly
Summary: So for those who havent heard, October is here and we at DC Animated Adventures are teaming up with Nazario Designs to giveaway the complete Batman: The Animated Series on DVD! Chris will draw a villain a day and you just write a short 400-500 word story about that character and you're entered! That simple!Lance and I decided that we wanted to play along as well, even though we're not qualified to win (as we are putting on the contest). Here's my entry for today: Two-Face! (Check outThe DCAA Facebookfor more information.)





	Two-Face - Crush

That dizzy broad. I can’t believe she did this to me. I can’t believe she ditched me like this!

_She didn’t ditch you. She’s gay. It’s got nothing to do with you._

I was good to her! I helped her! We could have killed her--multiple times, we could have killed her--and we didn’t!

_Wow, okay, maybe unpack that a little, Romeo? She’s supposed to be grateful you spared her life?_

You know what I mean....

_Not sure I do, chief._

No, okay, you’re right. Not killing the hostage doesn’t necessarily imbue immediate reciprocated feelings. But Montoya and I...we shared a connection. You felt it too.

_Sure. Absolutely. But she was still figuring things out about herself._

So what is she looking for that I haven’t got?

_A vagina?_

Would you be serious?!?

_I am being serious! Look, just, just flip the coin._

What are we trying to decide?

_Nothing. It’s just a coin flip. Do it. It relaxes you._

...Fine. I’m flipping. Happy?

_How are you feeling?_

...Better.

_Okay. Good. Now, and I have no idea why I have to explain this to you, but sexuality is a spectrum. And the two of you? You’re at, like, complete opposite ends. Rene Montoya is a lesbian. Ipso facto, she is not into men. Now, that is not a reflection of you as a man, just that you are one._

I...I feel guilty. Maybe if I’d been nicer to her, she would have chose me instead.

_Not a choice, Counselor. Already mentioned that once. Get with the times. And stop being so myopic! This isn’t about you. It never was. You didn’t ‘push her into it’, you didn’t ‘make her choose’. She came to a realization about herself. You just so happened to be the last man she was interested in before that happened._

You...really think she was interested?

_I was there, wasn’t I? And if she were straight, you two would have gone on some very nice, very awkward dates, until the inevitable confrontation with the Bat where we would have to leverage our relationship with her to make an escape._

_And hey, I get it. You think you’re the first yutz this happened too? You’re brokenhearted, and you’re angry. That’s fine. But unlike all those other sad sacks, we can just murder your crush the next time we see her. Her and her fatass partner both. That’ll be satisfying, won’t it? Hitting the two of them?_

Yeah. Yeah, it will. Thanks, Two-Face. You always know just what to say.

_No problem, Harv. Now...where were we?_


End file.
